Crime Of The Heart Read online

  He still had friends down at headquarters, he still had his job and he still had Tom as his partner. All he had to do was go back to it. The problem was—and this was the biggest question of all—was he ready to? And then there was the question of what he called his “protection mode.” Would it come back to him after so many months of not needing it, of not using it? Like an athlete who hadn’t worked out in years, how long would it take him to feel up to par when it came to acting as an officer of the law again?

  “I’ve been out of it for a long time, Erin,” he said.

  “I don’t care,” she asserted. “You were one of the best cops in the whole Twenty-seventh Precinct, and you know it.”

  “Not anymore. All that changed when I got my leg nearly blown off,” he returned simply.

  She flinched at his words, but held her ground. “I think it would take a hell of a lot more than something like that to change the Liam McGrey I knew,” she argued.

  He should have realized she’d put up a fight. How many times had he told her she should have been in a courtroom instead of behind a typewriter?

  “It’s a sense you have,” she went on. “It’s part of you. It was what you were, and what you still are. And it has nothing to do with your leg.”

  She said it in a way that almost had him believing it. Almost.

  At least he believed it enough to say, “All right. I’ll talk to Tom and see what I can find out. That’s all I can promise for now.”

  She smiled at him, a smile so full of gratitude Lee was momentarily ashamed of his own reluctance. “Thank you, Lee,” she said. Again she used that breathy tone he forced himself to ignore. “What do we do first?”

  “First, you’re going to stay here for a while, until I can find a safer place for you. And you’re to tell no one, and I mean absolutely no one, where you are. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” she replied, “but I need some things from the house.”

  “What things?” he asked. “Whatever you need, I can buy.”

  “But you want to look at all the information I’ve gathered on Forest Burke, don’t you?” she insisted. “I haven’t even put most of it into the computer yet. I don’t really have much, just newspaper clippings and notes, but it’s all hidden at the house. Besides, I wanted to put some of it into your computer network and see what I can come up with.”

  He almost told her to forget about it and if anyone was going to check out Burke, it was going to be him. He tried to tell himself he didn’t want or need her help. But he knew perfectly well he wouldn’t be able to accomplish as much without all her background research.

  “Fine,” he finally agreed. “Write down everything you need, where it is, and I’ll go get it.”

  “I’ll go with you,” she offered.

  “No.”

  “I don’t want to stay here alone, Lee. What if someone followed me to your house?” she asked.

  Lee could hear the fear in her voice. He let out a heavy sigh. He could understand that fear, but how in the name of heaven was he supposed to keep her safe when all she did was argue with him and resist everything he said?

  “Erin, if you want me to protect you, then you have to do everything I tell you,” he said, fighting to keep his voice relatively calm.

  “I know that, but I don’t want to be alone, all right?” she replied. “Besides, this information is all I have on Burke and it took me a day and a half to gather it. It’s hidden all over the house.”

  “Why?” Lee asked.

  “Because if anyone comes looking for it, they won’t be able to find everything in one place, that’s why. So there’s less chance of losing it all,” Erin answered patiently.

  Lee grew uneasy as he listened to her explanation. Didn’t she realize if someone came to her house, the hidden information would be the last thing she’d have to worry about, considering the way she was nearly run down in the parking garage? As usual, she was putting the story first.

  But the fact was, he didn’t like leaving her alone any more than he liked taking her with him.

  “All right,” he agreed slowly. “But you better listen to me every step of the way, or so help me, you’ll be out looking for another bodyguard. Understand?”

  “Completely.”

  A few moments later, he opened the front door and stepped out after checking to be sure there was no one watching or waiting. Erin stayed close behind him. “We’ll take my car and put yours in the garage where it won’t be seen from the street.”

  “Okay,” she agreed.

  They stepped off his covered porch.

  Only then did Lee notice that it was starting to rain. He muttered an oath under his breath, wondering if things could get any worse.

  They could, he discovered as Erin reached from behind him to take his hand in hers. The warmth of her touch was everything he expected, filling him with unmistakable heat. His heart actually skipped a beat, and Lee was certain it was because she had somehow found a way to grasp his heart just as she had his hand.

  She held on to him.

  And Lee found he couldn’t let her go. All the way to his car, he tried to convince himself he was only holding her hand because keeping her safe was now his job. All the way to his car he kept trying to convince himself that her touch meant nothing.

  Absolutely nothing.

  Chapter 2

  The ride to Erin’s father’s house in Wilmette was uneventful, at least to anyone who might be watching from the outside. To Lee, it was just a continuation of all the rushing memories. He hadn’t done much driving in the past eight months, but not because of his leg—his left leg was the one that had been shot up and he didn’t need it to drive. He simply didn’t feel much like going out. Twice-a-week therapy sessions at the rehab center and trips now and then to the grocery store were enough.

  Now, not only was he driving, but Erin was in the front seat next to him, her soft, musky scent filling the car, her closeness invading him. Still, it was an invasion he wanted to welcome, an invasion he wanted to embrace and hold to himself in hopes it would fill the void that had been in him for so long now. If only he knew it wouldn’t bring more pain and despair. If only he thought he could trust her. Which he couldn’t.

  Erin was quiet beside him. And he wondered if she was being overwhelmed with an equal amount of emotion. Or if she was feeling anything at all.

  Lee told himself he didn’t care what she was feeling, and he tried to concentrate on the road. He drove carefully, constantly checking in the rearview mirror to make sure no one was following them. He reminded himself that protecting her was now his first priority. He tried his best to think of the job ahead and forget about the past. But, hell, it wasn’t easy.

  He glanced at the rearview mirror and noticed a green sedan. Making a quick left at the next yellow light, he lost the sedan when the light turned red. From then on, it was a trip of turns, taking much longer than it should have, but he felt a lot more secure. He was almost one hundred percent certain they weren’t followed.

  Lee parked the car around the back of the large house where it couldn’t be seen from the end of the drive, then reluctantly climbed out and looked around. Hell, he didn’t want to be here. At least the rain had stopped and turned into mist.

  He noticed the trees were just beginning to bud, a sign that spring was really coming. Through the leafless trees, he could see the boat dock and the guest house. The sight of the guest house caused his breath to catch in his throat. He and Erin had made love there for the first time that night so long ago....

  So why did Lee suddenly feel as though it had been only yesterday, the pain still so raw and deep and fresh? They’d just started dating. It was another six months before he asked her to move in with him and another four months before she agreed.

  Lee wanted more than anything to ask Erin if she thought of them whenever she looked at that stone building. But the words wouldn’t come to him. Besides, he didn’t think he could handle it if she said no.


  His heart heavy, he turned to look at the main house. Not overly massive, it was an attractive house of Colonial design and made of the same stone as the guest house. Large enough to show that the family who owned it had the money to live comfortably, but not so large that it lost the feel of home. He and Erin had spent their only Christmas when they were living together here with her father and her three brothers and their families. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

  At the same time, as with the night spent in the guest house, it seemed like yesterday.

  He had to clear his throat before he could speak. “Can I have your key?” he asked. He noticed that Erin hesitated slightly, her gaze drawn to the lake, or was it perhaps the guest house? He looked away, forcing himself not to think about that possibility. Instead, Lee forced his legs to carry him through the mist toward the wide back porch.

  “Sure,” she replied, following him and digging a set of keys out of her purse.

  Together they reached the porch and climbed the few steps to the top. Lee slid the key into the lock and froze as the door slipped quietly open, revealing the kitchen within.

  Silence, heavy and thick in the moist air, settled all around them. Lee glanced at Erin, only to find she stood as frozen as he. He could almost see the color fade from her face, leaving her pale with fear, her green eyes shadowed by apprehension. She didn’t even appear to be breathing.

  A moment later, all his senses sharpened, on the alert and ready for anything. He prepared her for the worst. He strained to hear any sounds. He heard only silence.

  “Are you sure you locked the door?” he whispered.

  “I think so. I know I shut it at least.”

  “Stay close to me.” There was only a shuffle of movement as Lee handed her back her keys and slipped out the gun he carried in a shoulder holster under his arm—the same gun that had sat on the top of his chest of drawers these past eight months. Cautiously, he slipped noiselessly into the kitchen.

  The eerie silence remained, seeming to entomb them both once they were inside. But the kitchen was empty. From the doorway leading down the hall, Lee had a clear view of the living room. It was empty, too.

  But it was a mess.

  Cushions from the sofa, love seat and two chairs were ripped open and thrown about, pieces of their stuffing scattered everywhere. Papers, books and magazines lay all over the floor while lamps, pictures and knickknacks had been knocked over and broken. An end table was overturned.

  Beside him, Erin gasped, the sound loud in the stillness.

  Slowly, they made their way down the hall to the living room. Lee looked around, ready for anything, watching for any movement that would tell him if anyone was still in the house. But there was no one.

  Erin could only stare at the mess before her as they entered the living room.

  Out of the corner of his eye, Lee saw her reaching down to pick up a broken crystal figurine. “Don’t,” he warned.

  She stopped just as she was about to touch it.

  “Don’t touch anything until after the police come.” Then he saw what she’d been reaching for. It was the small crystal Cupid with his bow and arrow that Lee had given her on the first Valentine’s Day they’d shared.

  Forcing the memory back behind the heavy door he pictured in his mind, Lee walked into the center of the room. He took in the smashed computer on the floor near the desk. Destroying that piece of equipment had been easy. One nice sweep and everything had been cleared off the beautiful antique cherry desk.

  He looked back at Erin and wished he hadn’t. She was frozen, colorless, looking rather sick. Still standing next to the little broken figurine of Cupid, she hugged her arms tightly across her chest as though she must be freezing to death.

  God, he wished he could protect her from this. He wished he could just snap his fingers and make it all disappear. More than anything, he wished he could take her into his arms. Instead, he said, “We have to call the police, Erin.”

  “Yes,” she said, her voice sounding so small. He could see she was fighting to maintain some semblance of composure. “You’re right. There’s a phone in the kitchen on the wall. The one in here doesn’t look as though it would work.” She turned stiffly toward the kitchen, after giving the phone on the floor nothing more than a quick glance. Its cord had been torn from the wall.

  “I remember,” he said, moving right behind her. “I’ll call them. Then we should wait for the police outside. It looks like whoever did this has gone, but I’m not taking any chances.”

  “All right,” she agreed.

  She agreed too easily, he thought. He liked it better when she argued with him, when she put her foot down and demanded that things be done her way.

  Careful not to touch anything, Lee used his jacket to hold the phone and his handkerchief to punch the buttons to dial 911, even though he was pretty certain that whoever had destroyed the living room hadn’t taken the time to make any calls.

  Erin watched Lee while he spoke into the phone. Everything about him left her feeling torn. Everything about him was familiar, yet excitingly new. She wanted to fall into his arms. At the same time, she wanted to run in the other direction. She wanted him to hold her and tell her everything was going to be all right. But she felt his job made him a dangerous man. And at this moment, Erin didn’t think she could handle the worry and fear that came with his occupation, even if he was helping her.

  He swept his fingers through his hair, just as he always did when he was frustrated, and the dark, wavy locks fell in all directions. She couldn’t help remembering how soft it was. It was so soft she never could keep from touching it when she moved past him....

  All she had to do was lean toward him and she’d be in his arms. Again. How many times had she longed to be there? She couldn’t even guess. In the past eight months, and even before then, she had discovered that being in his arms was the only safe, warm place in this world to be.

  Erin had tried to find other safe, warm places. She had returned to what had always been her home—at least until she shared a home with Lee. She had dated a few other men in the past few months. She had let them hold her hand and she had let one or two kiss her. There had even been that time a month and a half ago...

  She shuddered and fought to shut out the memory only to realize she suddenly was leaning closer to Lee. And she also fought the desperate urge to cry again. She hadn’t cried since the day in the hospital when Lee had kicked her out. She hadn’t even cried when her evening with Dex Carter had ended in nothing but humiliation. And she found it hard to believe she’d broken down and cried in his kitchen earlier. She promised herself she wouldn’t cry now. She wouldn’t let Lee see how much she was hurting. Not again. Not anymore. ’

  Until now, it had been easy to keep from crying.

  But she’d never had to face anything like this. Never had she felt so violated. In the course of her job, she learned of others who’d been threatened and sent hate mail. Three years ago, the celebrity reporter had actually quit Earlybird because of a stalker whose threats and actions became too hard to take. There were crazy people everywhere, and dealing with them was a hazard of the job when you put yourself in the limelight.

  Now, Erin had to deal with it. And there wasn’t anyone she trusted more to help her than Lee. After the first crank phone call, she had thought of contacting him. Now here he was standing before her, even though she knew he didn’t want to be. She knew he’d only taken the job to keep from feeling guilty. She, however, no longer cared about his reasons. He was here, with her.

  Standing so close, she could smell the clean, male scent of him. She could feel his warmth, a warmth that was drawing her into his arms.

  Erin took a deliberate step backward, away from Lee. She knew he wouldn’t want her in his arms. How could he possibly want her so close to him? He could barely stand to look into her eyes. And right then, she felt too shattered, too lost, too alone, to handle the rejection when he shoved her away from him.

  To her
amazement, Lee reached out and took her hand. His touch sent something close to an electrical shock racing through her. His hand was warm, almost hot against the coldness that had settled inside her at the invasion of her home.

  “Come on,” he said, his voice sounding husky. “We’ll wait outside.”

  He pulled her through the back door and into the heavy mist.

  In that single touch of his hand, Erin felt grounded again. She felt as though she finally belonged somewhere. Even if it was only for this brief moment in time... with only the warmth of his palm against hers. She would have to grasp this moment and make it last a lifetime. Because he would never give her more than that. Because she could never take more than that, even if he did. The sleepless nights worrying about Lee out on the streets, trying to stop dangerous criminals, were still fresh in her mind, like a cut that refused to heal. Those lonely nights had on occasion lasted for weeks. She didn’t want those nights again, no matter how good his touch felt.

  Standing next to his car, he finally let her go so she could climb in and wait out of the damp. Yet as soon as he released her hand, the coldness took hold of her again.

  Erin tried to ignore it. She tried to convince herself that this feeling wasn’t anything like the cold loneliness of those nights when Lee was out making the world a safer place. As he closed the car door for her, she avoided meeting his gaze, knowing that if he looked into her eyes, he would know exactly how vulnerable she’d become. He’d never seen her like that before, and she’d be damned before she let him see her in such a weak state now. The crying had been enough. No more.

  Lee made his way around to the driver’s side and climbed in beside her. His presence, his very essence, seemed to take up whatever room was left in the car.

  “Are you ever going to tell me what happened to your leg, how the shooting happened?” Erin asked, needing to talk to him. Needing to hear his voice. Needing to talk about something other than the condition of her home or what was happening to her. “You said you got it nearly blown off? I mean, I know you were shot, but I never heard the details,” she added, trying to keep her voice light, trying to ignore the tug at her heart at the thought of the pain he must have endured. Knowing, too, that he hadn’t wanted her around. That he hadn’t wanted to share his pain with her. He still didn’t want her. She should be glad. So why wasn’t she?