Crime Of The Heart Page 16
“I want to kiss you,” he murmured.
“Then why don’t you?”
“I’m afraid to get close to you.”
Erin looked away for a moment and didn’t reply as though she had to weigh her words carefully before speaking. “The last thing I’d ever want is for you to be afraid of me. I won’t break.”
But I might, he thought. “What’s the first thing you want?” he asked instead of voicing his thoughts.
“For you to kiss me. Like you did before all the shooting started. For you to kiss me and touch me. Like you used to. I need you. I’ve needed you for so long....”
With tentative fingers, he reached up to caress her cheek. “I have a question first,” he said, his throat feeling tight, almost painful.
“What?”
“Is there anyone else, anyone like Jack, perhaps?” Lee knew it was an awkward, probably even a stupid time to ask, but he had to know. He had to be certain that there wasn’t anyone for her to leave him for. She might have enough reasons of her own; he wanted no more. He wasn’t even sure how he would react if she said yes. Here they both were, naked, warm water bubbling over them, feeling like heaven. He was feeling her warmth, and he had the feeling, too, that if she said that yes, she had someone waiting for her, he wouldn’t be able to step away from that warmth and leave her. Still, he had to know.
“No, there’s no one,” she said.
His lips were on hers almost before she was finished with the words.
She tasted so good. She was fire, passion, goodness, sweetness. All rolled into one. His senses reeled as she took him back into the past, when life had been less complicated.
At the same time, she kept him firmly grounded in the present. Right there. Right then. With her.
In Erin Flemming, Liam McGrey had found eternity.
Lee wanted to touch her everywhere, to feel what he’d missed for so long. She was familiar and excitingly new at the same time. She was soft but firm in all the right places. He thought perhaps her breasts might be a bit larger and fuller than before, more womanly, inviting. He placed his hand on one, relishing the soft groan his touch brought from her.
Pulling her close, he moved her until she straddled him, settling her against him. Her bottom might have been somewhat rounder, but it was still so firm, fitting to him perfectly. For the first time, he didn’t regret the months that had separated them. If they had stayed together, he probably wouldn’t have noticed these pleasing, subtle changes in her.
He wanted to stay like this with her against him forever. They fitted together like two puzzle pieces.
One kiss melted into another and another, until his body was doing all but crying out in agony for her. Her hands were on him as much, if not more, than his were on her. She was driving him nearly wild.
She pulled away from his heated kiss, only to look into his eyes with a heat that was just as intense. “Show me how to love again, Liam,” she said softly. “Show me what it’s like to feel that again.”
“Yes.”
As he moved to make her a part of him, Erin gasped at his touch, her head falling back slightly as her breathing quickened.
Lee nearly came undone. He never thought he’d feel this way again. Never.
It was so good, so real, so complete. Having her become a part of him again like this was what he needed to fill that empty place deep inside him.
He gently clasped her face, a hand on either cheek. “Look at me,” he grated, his throat dry, his voice tight.
“Look at me while I love you.”
He wanted to see her eyes. He wanted to see her feelings. He wanted to see inside her soul. He wanted to know that this was as real for her as it was for him.
She looked at him, her gaze capturing his and igniting inside him like a torch thrown into a dry stack of hay. And he saw everything he wanted to see. He saw her want, her need.
And he gave her what she needed, while at the same time taking from her all that she gave him. Together, they made love, making up for all the lost time.
“Stay with me,” he groaned, knowing she was as close to him as he could have her and yet wanting her even closer.
“I’m right here,” she replied.
Yes, he knew that. But she misunderstood. He meant for her to stay forever, not just for the moment. He would have liked to tell her that, but the passion within him erupted then, and there was no chance for words. As he lost himself in her completely, he could only hope that whatever she felt would be enough to last.
Whether it was the heat from the whirlpool or the heat from Erin, Lee had no idea. He just knew they couldn’t stay in the water any longer or they were going to burn up. Slowly, he stood up, pulling Erin out of the tub with him.
“We should check your arm and put on a clean bandage,” she said.
“Later.”
“But this one got wet,” Erin insisted, touching it lightly.
In one smooth move, he pulled the tape and removed the wet bandage Erin had put on hours before. “See, it’s fine. It would probably do it some good to leave it open, for a while anyway.”
“Are you sure? It would only take a minute to put on a clean bandage.”
“I’m sure.” And to prove it to her, he swept her up into his arms. He carried her to the bed.
“Put me down,” she said, laughing.
“Why?” Lee asked, stealing a quick kiss before letting her answer.
“Your leg,” she reminded him.
“What about it?”
“Doesn’t it hurt? I got the impression it hurt you all the time,” she said, holding on to him.
“It used to. In fact the only time it usually didn’t was when I was knocked out with pain medication. But funny, it doesn’t hurt now.”
And Lee didn’t want to think about it hurting, afraid that thinking about it would bring on the pain. Nor did he want to think about the fact that it wasn’t hurting and hadn’t hurt much since he’d slept close to Erin. Could the pain be in his head just as his therapist had suggested? Could the pain in his leg come from the one he never wanted to deal with in his own heart, caused by Erin’s leaving him? The very thought terrified him. So he forced it to the back of his mind, refusing even to dwell on it. Instead, he set her down on the bed and lowered himself beside her.
“What did you mean when you told me to show you how to love again?” he asked.
Erin couldn’t meet his eyes for a long moment. And when she finally replied, her words came slowly. “You asked if there was someone else....”
Lee felt something tug at his heart, but he tried to ignore it and just listen to her. Still, if she had lied to him, Lee had the strange feeling he’d walk out of the room without looking back. He couldn’t face another betrayal.
“I went out with someone. It was months ago. He was nice. He had a good job, a nice house, great car, everything. He was every woman’s dream.”
Lee swallowed the questions that threatened to spill out.
“I thought—” For the second time since they’d come to the bed and breakfast, she stopped herself from saying what she was thinking. “I thought Dex would be good for me, too. But there was nothing. Just nothing. No fire, no passion, nothing. I thought it was just me. You were my first and only...” She paused and looked at him. “I thought that I was letting you...”
“Stand in the way somehow,” he finished for her.
“Something like that. I was determined to feel something. Anything. I invited him over for this candlelight dinner and wine and music. But when it came to after dinner, I still didn’t feel anything but cold. And rather silly. I mean, I could have been kissing one of the pillows on my bed for all the enjoyment I got out of kissing him.”
“What happened?” he asked, holding her close, thinking there was no way now he could ever let her go.
“It only got worse. The more I tried, the less I felt. By the time I finally shoved him out the door, I felt nothing but empty and foolish and humiliated.”
“What did you do after that?” he asked quietly.
“I spent the next three months pouring myself into the job,” she said flatly. “It’s probably what’s gotten me into all this trouble—thinking only about the job.”
“I suppose I can’t picture your being anything other than hot, Erin,” he said softly. He wanted to tell her he was sorry she ever felt that way, but he wasn’t. The fact that she wasn’t passionate with anyone other than him told him a lot. And he liked it. Too bad he couldn’t get rid of the nagging little question of how long this passion-onlyfor-him would last. Or if it would be enough to see her through any of the loneliness or worry that drove her away before.
He couldn’t begin to answer either question. He could say, however, that the passion was far from ending right now.
Erin was soft and hot and wanting him again as much as he wanted her. She placed her hand behind her, gently stroking his thigh. She might as well be tossing jet fuel on the fire inside him.
“I want you. Now.” And forever, he nearly added. But he was unable to take the chance and utter the words. He leaned forward and kissed her neck again, feeling her tremble beneath his touch.
“Then please take me,” she murmured, pressing herself against him to the point where he didn’t think he could possess her fast enough.
Lee did take her. Then again later, deep in the darkness of the night after they’d slept a short time in one another’s arms. And again, just before dawn. Each time he made love to her, he felt as though he took her farther than the time before. By the last time, with both of them facing the windows, as they moved with the rhythm of the slowrising sun, Lee felt as though he’d taken her to the ends of the earth.
But it wasn’t far enough to keep her safe from Burke or Doreli. Still, Lee couldn’t help but wonder. Was it far enough to make her want to stay with him forever? Because now, he had to trust her again since he knew there was no way he could let her walk away a second time.
No way.
Chapter 8
“You be sure to come back and visit us again,” said a very plump, redheaded Mrs. O’Malley the next morning, once Erin and Lee were through with the hearty breakfast she had set on the table before them. They were just about to leave.
“We will,” Erin promised. “Maybe we’ll even spend every anniversary here,” she added.
Lee felt his heart constrict with her words. After a night of passion unlike any he’d ever known, he didn’t want to face the day. And Erin’s statement was just another lie on the icing of the cake he was trying to force down. Anniversary? They weren’t even married. And after facing Burke today, they might not even live to worry about being married. He reached out past the awkwardness that had fallen over them some time between waking up in one another’s arms and getting dressed, and he grasped Erin’s hand, needing to touch her.
“Thank you for everything,” he choked out. “It was wonderful.” It was also the biggest understatement in the world. The past night spent with Erin had been almost like a second chance at life, a chance at perfection that Lee was afraid might never pass his way again.
The sun was shining this morning, but Lee thought it wouldn’t last long. There was still a dampness in the air and the threat of storm clouds moving in. Or was it the threat of what lay ahead with Burke? Or was it the idea that all of this was coming to a head and would soon be over? Then, if they got through it, which Lee planned to see that they did, he would have to figure out just where he stood with Erin. And he might even have to stand back and watch her leave a second time. Lee didn’t know. Still, he shivered against the dampness as the two of them stepped outside.
In the newness of the day in the bright morning sunshine, Jamesbrook looked like a make-believe small town in a Norman Rockwell illustration. Welcoming. Inviting. Warm.
And there really wasn’t a cloud in the sky to threaten them, at least not yet. So why did Lee feel so cold?
“What’s wrong?” Erin asked, climbing into the car with him.
Lee tossed their bags into the back seat and climbed behind the wheel. “What makes you think anything’s wrong?” he asked.
“It’s just a look about you, that’s all,” she replied, never taking her eyes off him.
He wished she couldn’t see through him so easily. He wished it almost as much as he wished he could see through her, so that he would know by just looking at her if he should back away now. And start to rebuild the wall around his heart to protect himself the next time she left him.
“What is it?” she asked again.
Oh, nothing, he wanted to say. Except they were heading out to meet a coldhearted killer before he could come after them, and he wasn’t liking the idea at all. There was something deep in his gut that told him something was going to happen, something bad. Call it gut instinct, call it a premonition. Call it whatever you wanted, but it didn’t sit well, and it was strong enough to leave a bad taste in his mouth.
Maybe it was just that he’d spent the best night of his life making love with Erin, the only woman in the world who would ever hold his heart, and now he had to face the day. He had to look at the two of them in the light and face just where they were in this relationship.
Lee swallowed hard at the nagging thought of what exactly it was that they had. Yes, there was undeniable passion. But it was the uncertainty of their relationship, the doubts about their future together, that made him unable to look directly into her eyes. True, he wished he could read her feelings as well as she could read his. But the truth was, he didn’t want to see what her feelings were this morning. Not really. He didn’t want to see if there was any regret over their night together. So he didn’t look. And he didn’t let her look into his eyes either.
There was more to this sick feeling inside him than that.
Lee finally forced himself to speak to her. “Erin, no matter what happens today, I want you to know...” he began. That last night was the best night I’ve ever had. He didn’t say the words. They sounded too much like a cop-out. That he loved her. No, he wouldn’t admit that, either. She’d probably think he was just saying the words because he had to after making love to her.
Maybe she was thinking the same thing. He didn’t know. The only thing he knew was that she saved him from having to say anything. “Everything’s going to be fine, Lee. We’re going to get through this. And we can talk about us after it’s all over, okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed, starting the car.
They drove through town, taking in the early morning activity. A truck was delivering milk to the small grocery store, and a mailman on foot was delivering mail. Lee said nothing, but he wondered how everything could all look so normal, so everyday, when the two of them were well on their way to facing the man who wanted them dead.
“What are we going to do? We never did decide,” Erin reminded him. “We can’t just drive up to Burke’s front door. I doubt he’s going to have the welcome mat out for us.”
“Remember, we were going to get dressed for the occasion.” He looked over at her. “Let’s go get some fancy new duds, as you call them. Whatever it takes for us to look appropriate for Burke’s showing this afternoon. What do you think?”
She smiled at him.
It was enough to cause his breath to catch in his lungs. He wished more than anything that she hadn’t done that. It reminded him too much of last night when she smiled at him and climbed into the whirlpool. And when she smiled at him as he carried her to the bed. And when she smiled at him as she woke up beside him.
You might as well face it, McGrey, he told himself. Her smile can make your heart race and drive you insane, and it doesn’t matter how or why or when she sent it your way. Your reaction is always going to be the same. The only change in that reaction might be that it would get hotter with each smile. Lee tried not to
think about any of that now. He had to think about Burke and be ready when they faced him. If he wasn’t, they didn’t have a chance.
“I think something black for the both of us would be good, don’t you?” Erin replied. “Black is sophisticated, chic, fitting—for Burke’s funeral.” Her words were slow and hinted of seduction, matching the smile she’d just given him.
They ended up having to drive all the way to Peoria in order to find a mail with a store where they could get the clothes that Erin wanted for what she continued to call this special occasion. They changed in the rest rooms.
Erin stepped out of the ladies’ room looking like nothing less than a dream dressed in black. The dress could have been made for her, Lee thought, watching her walk to the car. Low cut and short sleeved, it revealed just enough cleavage to cause a man to want to see more. Even when she slipped on the sleek, fitted jacket that went with the dress, Lee couldn’t stop staring as they made their way across the parking lot.
Once they reached Erin’s car, Lee tried to occupy his hands by knotting his tie. But seeing Erin in her dress had only succeeded in making his fingers clumsy.
Erin waited quietly beside him. He tried not to look at her but it didn’t help. He could still feel the warmth of her closeness. He could still smell the soft, sweet, woman scent of her. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her brush her fingers through her curls, trying to calm them. He didn’t tell her that it did no good.
“There’s nothing like trying to get dolled up in a mall rest room,” Erin said, sounding slightly out of breath. “Maybe we shouldn’t have checked out of O’Malleys.”
“If we didn’t, we might have had to tell more lies, lies that would only be hard to remember. Besides, you look great,” Lee said, still doing his best to fix his tie and avoid looking at her. “But I think I should have left this dressup part to Tom.” It was hard to concentrate on Burke, getting into Burke’s showing and playing the part of an art lover. Because when he looked at Erin in the black dress, all he could think about was what was underneath the dress and how much he wanted it.